A Mother Would Know by Amber Garza

Author:Amber Garza
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: MIRA Books
Published: 2022-09-26T19:08:52+00:00

15

I’m out of lunch meat. Frowning, I stare down at my half-made sandwich. Cheese, lettuce, mayo, bread, but no meat. I’ve ransacked the fridge. It’s gone. Hudson must have eaten the entire package.

“That boy is gonna eat us out of house and home,” Darren used to say when Hudson was a teenager.

I guess not much has changed.

Closing the sandwich, I resign myself to eating it as is. Taking a bite, I wonder where Hudson went. He was gone by the time I returned from my walk this morning. It’s Saturday, so I doubt he’s working.

I take another bite, the flavors instantly catapulting me back to childhood. Growing up, my family didn’t have a lot of money, and often my mom would make me cheese sandwiches. I picture her in our old, tiny kitchen, standing over the counter, taking slices of white bread out of the crackling cellophane wrapper. My children had no idea what it was like to grow up that way. For all their complaining about how they were raised, they hadn’t wanted for anything.

I know I’m not like Leslie or Beth. I didn’t take to motherhood naturally.

I wasn’t one of those girls who grew up fantasizing about getting married and having kids. I dreamed about being famous. Performing on Broadway. Being the lead singer in a popular band. These were the things I strived for.

Bright lights, creativity and excitement. I had no desire for a family. Large or small. It was Darren’s dream. He’s the reason we have our two.

I’m the reason we don’t have more.

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